BLOG POST: I don’t usually blog but…New Year’s Eve 2013…

I don’t usually “blog.” I try to keep my writing to a certain standard and not jabber on with my personal views. I am making one exception today. 

Man what a rotten New Years Eve TV wise. And I mean this in a MUCH bigger way than “Gee, the TV shows weren’t much.”

I know I know, some of you go to bed, never watch – but this is my take after decades of watching…

So we had what? Kathy Griffin, that immoral trollop over with Anderson (all the gay guys watch me cuz I’m gay) Cooper. They had Melissa (all the lesbians watch me cuz I’m gay) Etheridge and some other guests. Just a nice little end-of-days romp in the woods. (CNN was obviously so impressed with Griffin’s simulated oral sex on Anderson last year that they brought her back again!)

Bill Hemmer and Elisabeth Hasselbeck – B-O-R-I-N-G. Hasselbeck was no Megyn Kelly, and although I’m not a HUGE Kelly fan, her absence on New Years Eve made Hasselbeck look like someone’s 10-year-old little sister was “trying” to fill in.

Meanwhile, they get Megyn Kelly LIVE on the phone closer to midnight, who shows a couple of pics and talks about some Mardi Gras-like-cheesy-place she is spending New Years Eve with “her man.” Complete with belly dancers (she said.) It sounded more like they were at a New Orleans brothel and you just kinda went, “ewwww.” BUT – according to Kelly – she never wanted to be anywhere else for New Years ever again! Yee haw.

Meanwhile Phil Keating was in South Beach Florida, a hellhole of hedonistic immorality. He kept trying to talk to people there thru the night and most everyone either looked like they wanted to kill him or walked away from him. (Some were so far drugged out they couldn’t respond or even walk). Others were just kinda like…”Hey.” Um….okay.

At some point, Fox News said we were going to watch Susan Boyle sing Auld Lang Syne. Well….kinda. They put her up in a box in the corner of the screen and then played highlights from the night – complete with audio overtaking her voice. That was total chaos. Original idea probably sounded good in someone’s drunken head.

And then just a quick word about Times Square. How sick is it that everyone is herded into pens – LITERALLY – HOURS before the ball drops – can’t leave even to go to the bathroom or get a hot cocoa. Well, you COULD, you just can’t come back. Really.Everyone has to be under 30 – I estimate, in top physical condition, and willing to stay in wind chills most people couldn’t tolerate while not drinking or going to the bathroom! It’s sick! But oh boy! They’ve got those stupid blue Nivea balloons and hats every year to keep them happy. Can anyone say POLICE STATE? (And great to have a German company promote themselves year after year in America’s most internationally viewed television event. Oh, and by the way, in 2011 Nivea published a map on their website that conveniently LEFT OFF ISRAEL. Great to know there aren’t any Nazi’s left over there.)

Dick Clark’s Rockin New Years Eve – um. Yeah. That went to the dogs years ago. If I see one more black man come out with the whole “homeboy vaudeville shtick” I’m gonna puke. Wow – look, I’m tough – I walk and talk like a gang member – love me! And of course – none of them can sing. They just come out and chant mindless rhymes. Impressive if you’re 5. (If only Bill Cosby could have come out and given them that “serious” look and thrown them off the stage.)

Then there was the Duck Dynasty interview…. Somebody wake me when it’s over. Bill Hemmer: “What’s coming up in the next season?”

“Well, we’ve got a lot of stuff going on.”

“Who is the first to break their New Years Resolutions?”

“We don’t really make any” (an answer I actually kinda liked because I get sick of hearing people talk about “resolutions” and I got the idea the Duck Dynasty guy didn’t give a rats bum about it either. Actually he and his wife looked like they didn’t give a rats bum about anything in particular.)

….you got the picture. The Duck Dynasty couple were nice enough, but it was like pulling two random people off the street! And when there was nothing left to ask them…Hemmer and Elisabeth kept asking them MORE questions that weren’t interesting and they had no interesting answers for.

Just did a Google search and found out it was Melissa Etheridge who sang John Lennon’s “Imagine” in Times Square. Surprised to find most other people also said she completely slaughtered it. I abhor the song because of it’s lyrics, but you have to admit that to the EAR anyway – the MELODY and Lennon’s voice are quite soothing. I said to mom – “Wow, they couldn’t even play Lennon, someone is SLAUGHTERING IT!”

Miley Cyrus, whom everyone had previously agreed was some sort of Satanic elf run amok seemed to get praises from on-air anchors last night – and at the very least promoted in a positive light. Hemmer and Elisabeth even promoted her – smiling and showing a clip from a video as she stuck her tongue out and spanked an obese black woman who was gladly bent over. Wow. That was FUN.

Look, I don’t tune in for a church service. If people want to get a little crazy – fine. But at least entertain. There was NO entertainment.

In Nashville, the music note dropped as three guys – perhaps one of them Hank Williams Jr. who we were told had performed but we never really saw – slaughtered Auld Lang Syne as they stumbled about the stage with their backs mostly to the audience.

(In the nearest city to me, we could hear the fireworks from our First Night celebration. We don’t have New Year’s Eve, we have First Night – originally started by a bunch of Boston hippies and was supposed to not emphasize alcohol consumption. (Excuse me while I laugh). So, basically all the liberal “artistic” people and gang members go downtown in a chaotic mess of “hidden” drugs and alcohol and have a whooping good time. The fights, arrests and stabbings are usually covered up. Only a gunshot makes it to the news when it happens.)

In short, New Year’s Eve – on television – was a colossal let down. Actually, it made one want to retire from society completely. At the very least one wanted to take a shower and try to scrub off the acquired filth.

If anyone wanted to confirm that civilized society – as we used to know it – is dead…last night did it. If anyone wants to confirm that humor, comedy and intelligence are dead…last night did that too.