BLOG POST: What’s Wrong With Duck Dynasty?

““It seems like, to me, a vagina — as a man — would be more desirable than a man’s anus. That’s just me. I’m just thinking: There’s more there! She’s got more to offer. I mean, come on, dudes!” ~Phil Robertson, admired Christian

What’s wrong with Duck Dynasty? They seem like nice people. Their children answer with “sir” and “ma’am” and they always say grace before dinner.

The problem is that when a show like this convinces the country it’s simple, wholesome entertainment – and its stars are lauded as Christians to boot – we’ve got a problem.

Sure their use of “friggin” pales in comparison to language we usually see on TV, but calling people “turds” and lovin’ them “squirrel brains” was formerly considered low brow discourse in America.

Sure we’ve always loved the rough down-home country types. Even country artist Reba McEntire got big laughs and proverbial hugs as she proclaimed how much she loved fried “hog balls” years ago. Johnny Mathis described eating live monkey brains on Carson many moons ago too, calling them “metallic tasting,” and he came out unscathed – at least to the general population. As for me, I still can’t look at either of them without thinking of a fried mess of pig testicles and monkey brains.

Our love of the eccentric can be comfortably enjoyed from our living rooms; it would likely fare poorly in real life.

Calling people “turds,” — a term used on Duck Dynasty — was formerly reserved for the lowest of the low. Generally if you knew people who used the word as an adjective, you knew to stay away from them.

Some people gloat of their rough upbringing; and that’s fine. But when it spills over into civilized society, it can be rather disturbing. I remember well having dinner at an upscale restaurant with my fiancé, his brother, and his brother’s wife. When she overheard that the toilet in the ladies restroom was broken, she proudly and loudly announced, “I’ll take care of it! If there’s one thing I can do good it’s fix a broken sh*tter!” With that, she threw down her napkin and headed for the restroom. The staff kindly ignored her, and the table erupted in laughter. “That’s my girl!” her husband said. I just about sank under the table, wondering what kind of family I was marrying into. Luckily, I didn’t marry into it.

Even more disturbing are the images of these backwater bearded eccentrics on everything from thongs to bandages. Does that bother anyone else? One has to wonder, if these guys are indeed Christians, why they would allow their faces to be marketed on women’s underwear and other suggestive items? It’s really okay with everyone to wear a man’s face with a beard that trails down into your crotch?

I suppose if I had to spend the weekend with them, I would find them enjoyable and friendly. I would definitely bring my own food however. I’m no vegetarian, but I don’t care for duck or squirrel, thank you very much. I’m also a pretty independent kinda “gal,” (I rebuilt my own lawnmower last summer and do most of my own car maintenance,) so I probably wouldn’t like being herded into the kitchen with the ladies to do whatever it is “women folk” are supposed to do.

Recently I watched an episode where one of the stars said he was happiest when he was “killing things.” I understand if people eat what they hunt, but enjoying the kill is something I will never understand. And that’s just gotta be great for all the kids out there on the verge of killing….something.

Personally, I wonder if the whole thing isn’t an act. These guys were very successful financially before they ever got their own TV show. They can’t be as stupid as they act; their conversations never rise above a fifth grade level, even when seeming to ponder “larger” issues.

And while I’m sure in real life they have perfected personal hygiene, I consider their constant slovenly appearance as costumes. The ZZ Top-like beards were always frowned upon in times past because they usually denoted an unkempt person who was not concerned with his appearance. Long beards have also historically been considered…well…dirty. It’s well known they’re a great breeding place for germs and bacteria. Maybe they always had some sort of beards, but I submit that everything we see is done to the extreme for the benefit of the “greatest show on earth” – and in true Barnum and Bailey style.

(And don’t get me wrong, if these guys walked into the Rescue Mission for supper, I wouldn’t be passing judgement on them. I’d gladly offer them a bath and shave however. God does not see appearance, but if you are one of the top rated shows on TV, you are influencing the public in ways that haven’t even been thoroughly explored.)

For the life of me, I cannot understand the entertainment value. How low have we gone as a society that a mindless show like this breaks viewership records? Worse yet, the mass marketing is nothing if not disturbing. There is something very wrong with self-professed “Christians” allowing themselves to make millions off overpriced items that bear their image or logo. Maybe we need to bring back the old phrase “What Would Jesus Do?” Would he want his image on thongs and Band-Aids? And these guys actually agreed to have a duck put on a cross and market it through Walmart. There is something sacrilegious about that. A duck didn’t die for my sins.

The bright star of Duck Dynasty will come crashing down one day, but it won’t be due to any of their Christian beliefs. Sooner or later, like Andy Griffith’s pedestal fall as “Lonesome Rhodes” in A Face in the Crowd, the public will get a taste of something they won’t like…and it won’t be squirrel brains.